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    Sunday, March 05, 2006

    Rules of Houston

    Here are some rules I received about living in Houston (my hometown).  Most are funny.  Some are true.  Especially #1, 3, 7, 17, and 19.  Oh is 19 true...

    Vietnam has it's own version of traffic.  Read Noodlepie's musings on a " slow Saigon."

    Houston's Rules:
    Rule #1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Huestun," not "Ewe-stun". Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not "San Phil-eep" (San Felipe).
    Rule #2: Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.
    Rule #3: All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.
    Rule #4: 4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."
    Rule #5: 5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
    Rule #6: 6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
    Rule #7: Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.
    Rule #8: Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
    Rule #9:  All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!!!."
    Rule #10:  If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
    Rule #11:  All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.
    Rule #12: The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
    Rule #13: The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
    Rule #14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone. ! *THIS IS NOT A JOKE
    Rule #15. If you are in the left lane, and on ly going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.
    Rule #16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
    Rule # 17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
    Rule # 18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.
    Rule #19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.This is how Houston residents notify the Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built...

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